My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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