Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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