I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
