He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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