Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh god it's open bar.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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