A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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