also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
