We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize