his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
