JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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