Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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