My brain says no but my pants say off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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