hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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