They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
