So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
