dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
