fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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