It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
