Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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