you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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