Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
