im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
