The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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