are you still at the devil's house?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
