Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
