all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
