dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
