I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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