I think im going to throw up on grandma
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
