i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
