I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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