You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Green mimosas i think yes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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