Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
