You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
