I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
