If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
