No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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