You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
