Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
