Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
soo... how was my night?
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