you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
