3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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