You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
