worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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