I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
