You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
