Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
