So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
