have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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