we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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