When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
