This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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