Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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