Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
