So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
