I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
