Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
