we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
