I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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