she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
