So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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