Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
don't judge my taste in strippers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
