I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
